He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
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