That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
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