we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
