Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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