We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
