Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
