watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
