How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
Randomize
