It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
