We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
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