It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
