Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize