Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
