i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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