I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
Umm I'm too high to move.
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Randomize
