It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
I need to wash the frat house off of me
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
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