I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
