No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Just high enough for therapy.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
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