meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
