My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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