so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
