He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
I booty called her while she was in labor.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
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