Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Randomize
