beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
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