Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
Randomize