I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
