We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
