I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
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