i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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