Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
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