I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Randomize
