I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
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