Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
