i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
