So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Randomize
