i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
