I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
