Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
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