his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
