OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Randomize
