Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Randomize