U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Randomize
