It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Randomize
