i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize
