We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Randomize
