you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
