i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize