Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Randomize
