I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
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