don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
