im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
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