We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Randomize
