The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Randomize
