Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Randomize
