So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
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