I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Randomize
