So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Someone shattered a urinal.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
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