Define "chronic" masturbator.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Randomize
