Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
