I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
