White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
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