It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
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