Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
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