It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
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