I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Randomize
