I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Randomize
