guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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