The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
